How to Murder Your Husband Cookbook

The best way to stop a man's heart is through his stomach!  This is the beginning of my book "How To Murder Your Husband-a Killer Cooker" by Ann Altman & Marilyn Gonzalez.  This book is hilarious.  As well as having excellent recipes that are very rich, high in cholesterol and overall bad for you.  But oh well, you only live once.

 

 

                                                     "A Hymn from Her"

When I made a garden salad
     You called it rabbit food.
When I tried to steam or stir-fry
     You said "This ain't so good."
When I suggested walking
     You had to watch the game;
No matter what I did for you,
     It just turned out the same.
So I simply gave up caring:
     I just cooked what tasted best,
And you, my fat old husband,
     Can answer for the rest.
You look down at your belly
     And ask how it got there.
It's really not my problem.
     In fact, I just don't care.
The truth is that no one forced you
     To eat that cheese souffle',
Or to have that extra helping
     Of key lime pie today.
How about that pile of nachos
     That you balanced on your knee,
While sitting with a can of beer
     And watching the TV?
You gobble up those plates of fries
     With lots of added salt
And all the while you tell yourself
     It's someone else's fault.
Though weighted down with extra pounds,
     You still want sex a lot.
And you still think that I am interested,
     Which, by the way,  I'm not.
You really ought to ponder
     Why a man who seems so smart
Still cares so much about his pecker,
      And so little about his heart.

This book is available with my amazon storefront www.amazon.com/stores/oneofakindcookbooks for $9.99 used, like new condition.

Everyone knows how to make Caesar Salad, but I have chosen this recipe, because it is very good, very easy and the story that goes with it.

                                           Bury Your Little Dictator With A
                                                  Caesar Salad

The brilliant green of the romaine lettuce and the crunch of the croutons will lull your husband into thinking that you have made him a hearty dish.  But, as the demanding emperor's cook Rosa said (and often she is misquoted), "I cook to buy Caesar, not to praise him.

For the salad you will need:

1 egg and 1 yolk
3/4 cup olive oil
1 can anchovies
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese
1 tsp salt
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1/4 cup lemon juice
Freshly ground pepper
1 head romaine lettuce

For the croutons you will need:

3 thick slices Italian-style bread, toasted and cut up in cubes
1/2 cup melted better
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1/4 cup grated Romano cheese

To make the croutons, mix all the ingredients together and toast at 350 F for 20 minutes or until golden brown.

To prepare the salad, mix the garlic and oil and let them get to know each other while you wash the lettuce and tear it into bite-size pieces.  Add the oil, garlic and seasonings.  Mix the egg, the yolk, the mashed anchovies and cheese with the lemon juice and add to the lettuce and oil.  Toss well and add the croutons.  Serve immediately.

As she served him, Rosa muttered under her breath, "This is for you, you brute." Caesar heard her and sighed, "Et tu, Rosa?"

Happy Cooking!